If you know me, you know I try to be a good friend. We all fall short, but I really give it a good try. I feel that friends are the family that we choose. My family is my family and I didn’t have any say in that. My friends are in my life because they want to be! That makes it a different kind of relationship.

Recently I have fallen out with a lot of people which has left me wondering If the problem was me. It’s crazy that you could be hanging out with someone or best friends with someone and they vanish into thin air. One of the friendships that I lost hurt so badly, I make it an effort not to get so close to people now.

It’s easy to be jaded, so I’m trying not to be that person who thinks everyone is evil or out to get me. The truth is it hurts to be betrayed, that’s the risk we must take in order to be loved. This is true for any kind or relationship.

8. You are too negative/positive. 

People don’t like constant complaining and negativity. No one wants to be around the person who ALWAYS has a problem. You might be surprised to find that people don’t want you to be positive either. If you post a positive quote you won’t get likes. If you post a status about and argument or a fight, I guarantee you will get likes. People like negativity because on a subconscious level they relate to it. How dare you be positive! Being positive is like being fake to some. 

7. They have been talking about you behind your back 

People act REALLLL suspicious when they have been talking about you behind your back.  They will get around other people, and you can tell based on how the other people look at you. They look at you with disdain because your friend been talking shit about you. If this person ghosts you be glad. 

6. You correct them

My friends correct me, and I love it. Some people take correction as judgement.  I would rather be corrected by my friend than by the world. I have learned that some people become offended when do something as small as tell them they spelled something wrong or used a word in the wrong context. They might ghost you. People don’t even want to hear the big things like leave that married man alone, sis. People just want their thoughts validated.

Proverbs 12:1 Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but whoever hates correction is stupid. 

5. Talking to you is starting to feel like a chore

Once upon a time I was friends with this girl in the 90’s (yes in the 90’s) and we aren’t friends today. She is a cool person. She is a nice person. I love her just the same, but the things we had in common as children we don’t anymore. We grew apart. People can get mad at you when you grow apart. People don’t realize that you can be cool, and I can be cool and we just don’t fit in the same spaces anymore.

4. They thought about something you did in the past

I don’t think this is a good reason to drop someone like a bad habit, but this does happen. Sometimes we don’t realize how toxic someone is in the moment, but maybe years later we reflect and want to get rid of them. The reason i don’t think it’s a good idea is because people change. Dropping someone for something they did or said ten years ago seems silly. If this is who that person is, I would say just step back and they will phase themselves out. 

3. They never cared for you that much

Here is where I am guilty. If you don’t matter to me, I will block you. If you aren’t worthy of that long drown out explanation, then you can just be gone. You don’t owe EVERYBODY an explanation. I personally think the person you weren’t close with anyway can just vanish. It hurts but you caring for someone does not automatically mean that they care about you.

2. They are envious

We have all had this. Jealousy and envy can become so toxic in people that it can be life threatening. When a jealous friend ghosts you, be glad! I had a friend try to stab me with an insulin needle filled with bleach. I have had friends try to set me up. It’s never over anything I’ve personally done to them. It’s always over a guy or over who gets the most attention. People are still just as jealous as we get older but the reasons change. People can be jealous of the money you make, your family dynamic, or even how other people love you. If a person is verbally, mentally, or physically abusing you don’t even wait for them to ghost you just go. 

1. They are cowardly

The number one reason why anyone would ghost is because they are a cowardly person. There are some people who would rather hurt you than to have a difficult conversation because it’s easier for them. You may have hurt someone, you may be a terrible listener, or maybe they are overly sensitive. That doesn’t matter. If a person counted you as valuable to them, they would have the hard conversations unless they are a coward. I can’t say I don’t vanish on people myself, but I always let them know what I’m putting them there for unless they are not significant to me.

The moral of the story is that its not always about you. There are some toxic awful people in the world, but don’t think that everyone who leaves your life is a result of your own wrongdoing.  This can be devastating to the person who internalizes everything and makes it their fault. It’s important to be self-reflective enough to make sure that you aren’t the problem.  If you find that the problem is not you, consider it divine intervention.