A big part of any relationship is listening. It can seem that there are times when our friends have problems that never ever end and we are literally exhausted from listening. I was going through a hard time, and I’m quite sure I irritated all of my friends. I had the same problem for like six months. I give advice all the time, but for some reason I couldn’t find a way to give myself the advice that I needed to pull myself out of the situation. 

It can be hard to take listening to the same problem with the same person for years. It’s not hard to listen to because you don’t care, but because if you love someone you want the best for them, and you want them to see if there is a clear and easy way out of their situation. 

It is devastating to watch a loved one suffer at a bad job, be in a bad relationship, or just not living their best life in general. We tell them what to do so that we can help them, but if we are not careful, we can end up seeing everything that someone else should be doing instead of what we should be doing to end our own problems.

Why is it that when someone else has a problem we have all the answers, but we never have the answers on how to fix our own troubles?

You feel your situation is completely different

If it’s one thing I hate, it’s when someone has the exact same situation, but they think one variable is going to make it totally different. My man cheated on me and I stayed. Your man cheated on you and you stayed but because your man lives east of the city, is vegan, and volunteers it’s suddenly TOTALLY different. No, sis. No. It’s not different. You can’t give the best advice when it happens to you because you are too busy judging to realize IT IS YOU. 

The question is if you found forgiveness in your heart to forgive the man then why can’t I? I literally cannot tell you how many times I have encountered this. If you want to give the same good advice to yourself that you give to others you have to start with looking inward and searching for the flaws you see so clearly in others.

You don’t value yourself as much as you do other people. 

It sounds strange, but some people always put themselves last.  You may not feel like they are worthy of good situations so you don’t feel that you can do any better than the situation that you are in. Low self-esteem can show itself in many forms and can be self-destructive in many ways. Sometimes we forget that we deserve the best.  

You may think that what you have or who you are with is the best that you can do so you just give up trying. You are just as worthy for goodness as the next person. Don’t tell someone else not to settle for less when you are here doing just that. 

Emotions can blur logic

When you are giving someone else advice you are generally assessing the data and trying to be as thorough as possible.  This is because you cannot feel the feelings on the same level of intensity as the person having the problem, when you are in a situation yourself feelings get involved it can be hard to see the forest through the trees. Sex, money, power, can all make a person see what they want to.  

Someone can tell you this is illogical and a waste of time, but if the physical connection is strong enough you may be willing to overlook the obvious. Remember how easy it is to do the next time your friend is a little less than logical. It’s easy to be a little less than logical when your eyes are fixed on the prize. 

You are panicked

When trouble strikes most people panic first and think later. We can be some of the most sound and wise people when we are giving advice, but as soon as something happens to us, we panic and worry.

2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

That makes me think that being afraid and being at peace don’t exist in the same space. If the opposite of fear is power and love and a sound mind, then fear must be weakness and hate and insanity. If we are operating from a place of weakness, hate, and insanity it’s not wonder why we can’t see our way through our own problems 

The moral of the story is that you matter! You deserve what everyone else deserves. You deserve peace, happiness and harmony. Don’t give all of your best away to help someone else if you know you will have nothing left for yourself in return.