Early this year Jeannie Mai host of the daytime television talk show “The Real” was spotted out with rapper Jeezy. Although Jeannie has expressed her attraction for Black men before, people thought that this was an odd pairing. At that time she stated that the two were only dating. In recent news they have announced themselves to the world as a couple.

Viewers of the daytime show know that Jeannie has recently gone through a very painful divorce, and it was a tough time for her. She cried on the show while publicly expressing her sorrow. She seemed sincerely hurt about the demise of her marriage. When I heard the news about her being involved with Jeezy I was very happy that she found someone. Everyone deserves love.

I was talking about it with a close friend of mine and she said “Black women are not going to be happy about this.”

I said “That’s not true. Yes they will. Why would they care? They watch the show. They know this is a smart woman.What difference does it make? “

My Friend Was Right

Black women were furious in the comments. Women accused Jeezy of not seeing the beauty in Black women, while men praised him for being able to get an Asian woman as if an Asian woman was a better quality of woman. The women talked about how when Black men get money they always date White women, and the men talked about how the Black woman is not understanding. Then I saw a comment that said something like “Why didn’t y’all Black women keep that same energy when Prince Harry married Meghan Markle?” I thought to myself… this is actually a great question!

 Why Didn’t They Keep That Same Energy. 

It Can Be Perceived As Self Hatred

One time a guy asked me was I mixed. I’m clearly not Biracial, and I replied “No.” He went on to explain that in New York he only dated Hispanic or Biracial women because he didn’t like being dark skinned himself. He said his family teased him about it when he was growing up. I obviously didn’t keep talking to him, but I felt bad for him. Wow! You can’t appreciate the beauty of your culture due to your upbringing. That’s so unfortunate.

Then I remembered that I have a family member who ONLY dates White women. I remember him visiting when I was growing up, and suggesting that my mom straighten my hair so it could be nicer than it was. He made a lot of sly comments about Black women that I didn’t understand at the time because I was too young to know what he meant by them. The sad part is he meant well, but his experiences had helped shape his opinion about an entire group of people which is not fair. He was ignorant. What if I would have taken that to heart as a young woman? What if that experience had made me feel inferior or turned me off from Black men?

When we see Black men with women who aren’t Black, often times we think it must be a case of self hate. Sometimes it is a case of self hate, but this isn’t always the reason for an interracial pairing. I don’t think this is true for Jeezy either. People fall in love with people who they are around and who they relate to. Black women carry self hate too. This isn’t something that is only exclusive to Black men. I have heard Black women putting other Black women down for wearing natural hair, having dark skin, having a name that they feel does not conceal their blackness.

Status + Money = Not A Black Woman

Jeezy has been looking pretty damn fine lately. This isn’t the same Snowman that I was listening to with my friend as a teenager. No. This is grown up, sophisticated looking, richer than ever Jeezy. I have heard many people say that when Black men get money, they leave Black women for women of other backgrounds. That’s a fact. Some men see women as objects, and they think the more money you make the better looking woman you should have. For these types of men, this means someone exotic (aka not Black). In the same way that they don’t want to drive the same Pontiac Sunfire that they had when they felt they didn’t make as much money, or live in the same neighborhood, they don’t feel that they should be forced to parade around the same women that they had access to without wealth. In my opinion, Black women are the most exotic women around, but to some this isn’t a symbol of status and power. It’s not a look that means you have arrived. Thankfully not everyone feels this way.

Greater Economic And Political Power

White men have economic and political power. People see a Black woman marrying a White man think it will mean she is going to have a tad more economic and political power. Meghan will have significantly more economic and political power by being married to Prince Harry. Meghan got a pass by Black women because people realized that Meghan would have greater access to wealth and power, and assumed that it would open doors for other minority people. This can happen for a Black man who gets with a White woman, but not in quite the same way. Women are still a minority, there is still a gender gap, and politically women are still not always taken as seriously as their male counterparts. When dating interracial is seen as a come up, its more easily socially accepted. If not… there may be some scrutiny from your peers.

All The Good Black Men Are Dead Or In Jail

This is just simply not true. I honestly believe there is a conspiracy to make us believe that there are no men so we overlook the good men. I am guilty of questioning where are the good men. There are good Black men who love Black women! Even if we don’t run into them on a daily basis, we need to appreciate them when we do. Black people are getting together everyday. This is an idea that supports division in the community and makes women feel hopeless. Don’t, sis.

The moral of the story is its okay for Jeezy and its okay for Meghan! Self hate is not okay, prejudging people is not okay, and hating one another is not okay. Even if you meet a man who feels like a woman of any other culture is better than a Black woman… WOULD YOU EVEN WANT HIM ANYWAY? Let’s not waste our time hoping for people to see our worth that don’t, and appreciate all of the people that do.

MadameNoire has a video on this topic I’m sure you will love! Please check it out Interracial Dating-Black Men React To Black Womens’ Issues