Frenemies: Why Be My Friend If You Don’t Like Me?

We have all had those “friends” who talk bad about us behind our backs. They are the type of people who will always be there for you when we need a helping hand, but will criticize you when you are doing well.  This has happened to me more times than I can count. This is what has made me ask why be around me if you don’t like me?

I had a friend once who always tried to compete with me. If a guy liked me, she wanted him. If I got something, she wanted that too. I wasn’t sure if she was a good friend or not because while she would have questionable behavior at times she would also help me when I was down. She would make smart comments about me when I was seemingly doing well, yet she didn’t mind loaning me money. I was always told that a friend helps you out in hard times, so it was hard for me to know what to think of her.

I use to think to myself she must be very selfless person who only likes to help others. Well that was not the case.

I went to college later in life. I was about 24. She went to college on schedule at 18. I just knew that when I told her that I enrolled in school she would be overjoyed for me. She would always talk about how uneducated I was, so I JUST KNEW she would be through the roof with excitement at the news that I was furthering my education… right?

Wrong !

She stopped speaking to me as often.  She would still check in to see how my life was going and ask questions, but our friendship wasn’t the same.  I asked her if something was wrong and she assured me that everything was fine, but everything didn’t seem fine.  That was the beginning of the end.  Come to find out she lied about having a degree! She had been lying for years. She went to college, but she never made it out. Instead she came home and acted like she finished her degree, so when I started college she was secretly furious.  This was so ridiculous to me. Why lie to the person who hasn’t been to college AT ALL? 

That brings the question so why bother hanging out with me at all then?

She wanted to hang out with me to be in my business. She wanted to be in my business so that she could go and talk about me to whoever would listen. Every time she talked bad about me it made her feel a little more superior and valuable. If she would have cut me off completely then she wouldn’t have a scale on which to compare herself, or any gossip to tell anyone about me. In her mind as long as she was doing better than me then her life was ok.

I have come to find that some of those nice/nasty friends that you have like to compare themselves to other people. When you are doing bad that’s an ego boost for them. That tells them that you aren’t “all that” like other people think you are. They will be there to help you up, but if you get up too high, or too quickly, or maybe even a tad higher than them. They leave.

The moral of the story is a friend is supposed to want the best for you always. A friend is supposed to be there in hard times and stay there and clap in good times. What do you do about people who only stay in your life to watch you and get information about you to spread to other people? You kindly keep them out of your business. Let them know your business is private. I have a saying and all my friends know it well “Don’t ask me sh*t.” If there is something in my personal life I want to tell I will. If not I’m keeping my mouth closed.

You can now buy a shirt with my famous saying on it “Don’t ask me sh*t.” It’s very convenient to wear around nosey people, and when you don’t feel like being bothered.

6 Comments Add yours

  1. MikaMajor says:

    Female friendships can be somewhat complicated especially when ppl bring their unhealed baggage into the friendship. Sounds like she had some esteem issues, I hope she has found some help and healing

    Liked by 1 person

    1. heyyfriend says:

      Yes! This is so true. I always try to be a friend to others, but I try to get a good view of who they are before I let them be a close friend to me.

      Like

      1. MikaMajor says:

        Yes, reserve your friendship for those who are capable of being a friend. I have a new post coming on this subject. I have been sitting on it for months

        Liked by 1 person

      2. heyyfriend says:

        I can’t wait to read it!!!

        Like

  2. Shayla says:

    #Facts!!! Just up in your business to tell someone else. I’ve always connected the dots when I meet the other “friend” for the first time and they seem all judgey. Uh huh! That’s because they’ve been talking and that other friend think they know something about you already.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. heyyfriend says:

      Absolutely! That is very true. That’s why is is good to be private with most people.

      Like

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