They say you live and you learn, and now that I am in my thirties I can agree. I look back on my twenties and there is definitely some advice that I would give my younger self. I don’t think my younger self would listen, but this may be helpful to someone.
I Didn’t Work Hard Enough
I was so busy having fun, going to the club, and partying, that I forgot to work hard and save money. I worked, but I worked mostly to be able to buy cute outfits and hang out. None of that mattered. I remember I got some 300 dollar boots that I wore maybe twice and they made my feet feel like I was walking on nails.
If I knew then what I know now I would have been saving money from the day I started working. These material things aren’t all that important. I didn’t need all of those clothes or all of that makeup. I don’t have anything to show for the money that was spent on these things today.
I Worried About A Bunch Of Nothing
There is a Bible verse that I love that says Romans 8:28 “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love The Most High, to them who are the called according to this purpose.” I have seen The Creator transform situations in my life time and time again. As a woman of faith in my thirties, I still get down and I get discouraged. The only difference is that now I don’t worry as much as I did in my twenties about things I can not change. I spent my entire twenties as a nervous wreck.
I realized that it wasn’t even that I didn’t have faith in God. It was that I didn’t have faith in me. I didn’t have faith that undefined I was significant enough for my prayers to really matter and they did. Part of having peace is believing in your yourself.
I Cared More About My Looks Than My Character
I was more concerned with how I looked than what I put into my head. When I turned 30 I remember thinking that it was amazing that I wasn’t as pretty as I use to be, but I felt like I was much more attractive because of how my mind and personality had evolved. Looks matter, but they matter much less than I thought they did at 20. I am glad to be attractive, but I am more grateful to be everything else that I am.
I Was Too Easy Going
When you are young you want to be cool, and sometimes when you want to be cool you get yourselves in dangerous situations. I have learned that you might trust someone and you think you are just going with the flow and before you know it you are in harm’s way. Sometimes people will be close to you and act like they like you in order to do the most harm. Peer pressure is stupid. You don’t need to impress your real friends. Nine times out of ten you won’t even know these “peers” for long. If anyone at any time is asking you to do something against your morals then that’s not your friend.
I Was Looking For The Wrong Things In Men
You always hear people say to make a list of what you want in a man. It sounds like a nice enough idea, but at thirty I think about love relationships a lot different than I did in my twenties. Everything that I looked for was superficial. I think that this is what the list creates. Don’t get me wrong…I still want a person that I am attracted to, but that isn’t the only quality that matters.
I had to take a look at myself and ask if I was giving a person a real chance to be human. I’m not perfect and I want someone to accept my flaws, but I had to ask if I was being accepted by other people’s also. Sometimes lists can dehumanize people.
Meeting someone isn’t like grocery shopping. The truth is…The Most High is the only Being who can read your heart like a book and give you a present based on what was inside of it. When I told a friend of mine that I was going to be writing my blog on this topic she reminded me of the importance of developing your character before getting into a serious relationship. Who you are as a person is doing a lot of evolving in your twenties so it’s less likely that what you want and who you are one and the same.
This is why the relationship with The Creator can be so deep and like none other. I say the list doesn’t matter as much as what is deep in your heart matters. Your list can say one thing but if what is in your heart isn’t what is on that piece of paper it will not manifest. If something seems perfect except that one huge red glaring flag then that isn’t fromThe Creator. That’s a gift from evil.
I Didn’t Pick My Friends Wisely
I had terrible friends. I had some good friends who have carried over to my thirties, but a lot of them were awful. In my twenties I picked my friends based on who was cool to hang with or based on what social circle I was in.
I have learned that a real friend will be there no matter what twists and turns your life takes. I had friends that were mainly for going to the club. They were nice people, but as soon as I decided to stop going to the club their interest in being my friend wavered. In the same way, I had church friends who would be my friend in church but as soon as I question this or that it wasn’t ok to publically be my friend anymore.
Be mindful of people who only want to be your friend when it’s convenient for their habits or social life. Ask yourself if that person is there when you really need them. If they are only their for the look of it.
I Didn’t Pick A Career Based On Passion
The pressure to know what you want to be at 18 years old is very real. When you don’t know what you want to be, you may feel pressure to do something simply because it will make you a good living. Truth is in order to enjoy your life you need to enjoy your work. You spend the majority of time at work. You see your coworkers more than family most times. Make sure that you are in an environment that you want to be in. Live a life where you don’t have to hate waking up in the morning.
I didn’t know what I wanted to do until I was thirty, and when I figured it out I realized that it would take me a long time and a lot of work to get there. I wish I would have taken my twenties to be more introspective and to really focus on what I wanted and not what I thought was probable .
The moral of the story is evolution is ongoing. At 32 I’m not the same as I was at 22, and I’m very proud of that. We will never be perfect and we will never know it all, but as long as we are making progress that’s what counts.