It seems these days that when people need relationship advice and do not know where to go, they turn to social media and online gurus. These gurus will (for a fee) try to teach women what men like. If you aren’t able to pay a small fee, you can always look online or read memes to find out what men like… right? Memes on social media will tell you that the ways to a man’s heart involve cooking, cleaning, being quiet, being attractive, being loyal, etc.. Are those things the most important though? Some men may value some of those traits, but are they what matters most? Do they matter at all? I have asked some of my male friends (or female friends to ask their men) when/how they knew they were in love.

The truth is that many people are living for validation. Society has told women that their validation comes being beautiful and from having a man. In their eyes, if they cant get a man then they aren’t that great of a woman. You will even hear people put women down for being single or insinuating that she isn’t doing something correctly. When a person feels like they don’t have value because they don’t have a man they just might do what society tell them so that they can “succeed.” Here are a few memes that I have found telling women how to act to attract men.

Now that we have seen a few things that the memes say lets see what actual men say

What I like most about this response is that he said that he knew fairly quickly that he was interested in this woman. A lot of memes tell you that you have to go through abuse in relationships to get to a point where a man knows whether or not that he wants to be with you. They will tell you that you basically have to prove that you are “down” or endure things until you prove that you are worthy of the mans love and recognition. As you can see here, that’s not necessarily true. It didn’t take my friend long at all to know that he wanted to be with his now wife. I know what you’re thinking…everyone is different. Everyone may be different, but a person knows when they have found someone that they want to continue seeing. You shouldn’t be always questioning where you stand or enduring abuse to know if he likes you or not.

This person felt similarly about knowing how they felt in a short period of time

The woman of the man who wrote this is LUCKKKY

The man above knew that he was in love when he accidentally said it in conversation. If someone loves you, they will want to share it and they will want to tell you. They will want to show you. It is hard to contain your love for someone if you really love them. Love is meant to be expressed and shared. If someone doesn’t tell you or show you without force then they probably don’t love you.

Contrary to what memes say, this next friend of mine said he knew he was in love when he could accept a persons flaws. Notice that he didn’t say when he found a person without flaws.

Memes love to tell women what they have to do to keep a man’s attention, but this man above says that when he loves someone he only has eyes for that woman. Society loves to solely blame women for their relationship problems. This goes back to her inability to keep a man. If there is infidelity in a relationship and a man cheats, maybe its not that you didn’t “keep it right or keep it tight.” According to my friend, love includes accepting your partner’s flaws.

My next friend asked her man for me, and he said that part of him loving her included her accepting him as he was. Men want to be accepted too. Part of love is accepting each other.

As a caregiver, this one above resonates with me. I knew I loved the person I’m talking too (don’t ask me any follow up questions friends) when he was concerned about my mental health as a care giver and would not forget to include my mom even if it was just in a thought. People (some friends included) say that they understand, but it is different when you can feel a person’s concern for you. If you love a caregiver then you have concern for the person that they are trying to take care of. I’m so happy that my friend has met a man like this who appreciates her beautiful heart. I really liked his answer.

My next friend said his girl broke down his walls.

We see again that men want to be appreciated. They want to be able to feel close to you. They want to be able to see the real you. Its not always about looking overly glamourous. I personally think we put more emphasis on looks than men do. Be with someone who loves you being yourself.

The moral of the story is that its ok to be exactly who you are. It doesn’t matter if you are male or female. Get someone who appreciates you for who you are. Forget about those memes and relationship gurus trying to sell you an idea of who you are supposed to be. You might miss out on the person meant for you who will love you exactly how you are by trying to be someone else.