“When is he going to ask you to be his girlfriend? When are you moving in together? When is he going to propose? When are you going to have kids? When will you have another kid? WOW! You have so many children. Don’t you think you have enough?”
Some of us have been asked some of these questions or even all of these questions. It is very frustrating. Now…be honest…have you ever been upset with a significant other because after venting to a friend and they suggest what that person should have done or should have said? If the answer is yes then listen up.
You can lose a good relationship this way. You can lose a relationship because of other people’s expectations of where you ought to be in your relationship. Are you posting pictures to reassure the people in your life that your relationship is where it needs to be? If so, stop immediately. Stop trying to reassure people who don’t truly care about your happiness.
You may be wondering how you can stop people from prying into your relationship and giving you unsolicited advice. I have a few suggestions for you
Don’t Tell Them Anything
You may think its harsh, and of course, I’m sure you want to share your exciting intimate news with your friends but you should caution yourself. The nicest and most well-meaning person could be going through something. Sometimes unhappy people lash out and don’t want to see you happy. All it takes is one moment of jealousy for them to put you down or plant a seed of doubt in your head. When I say don’t tell them anything, I mean don’t tell anyone anything in the beginning. Once you have your mind made up, and they appear to be in a good place and not spiteful, you can tell them a little. See what they do with a little.
Make A Promise With Your Partner That You Won’t Be Rushed
Don’t throw away a good thing because your friend just got engaged and you didn’t. Everyone is ready at a different time. Different people value different things. Let your partner know what is comfortable for you. Let them know that you want the time to be right for both of you, and not to let either one of you by rushed by anyone or their societal standards. It sounds stupid, but it’s comforting to talk about these things and let your partner know that you aren’t going to put pressure on them based on what other people think.
When they ask you a bold question like “When is the last time you had sex?” Give them a bold answer like we have decided not to publicly discuss our sex life. If you didn’t bring it up then they shouldn’t be bold enough to ask. I cant tell you how many times someone has asked me an uncomfortable question that was none of their business and I felt like I needed to tell them to be polite. No.
Here’s another thing. Don’t feel bad because you told them and they are bringing it back up. If you told Suzy that Tom cheated on you, and you got over it, and Tom got over it, you can go ahead and tell Suzy don’t ask you anything else. What she would do doesn’t matter. What she thinks you should do doesn’t matter. What matter’s is that you should be able to vent to a friend without worrying about having to go back down a bad path.
People will bring up painful things to put you in a bad headspace. Don’t let them. Let them know that what is done is done and if you are ok with it they should not keep brining it up. If you happen to be a Suzy who is reading this understand I know what it is to love a friend and want better for them, but sometimes real love is allowing a person the space to come into their own self discovery.
Don’t Speak Badly About Your Partner To Other People
I’m so sorry to tell you this, but miserable people will pick apart the smallest thing you say. You could say he forgot to take the trash out and they will tell you how they wouldn’t be dealing with that. Everyone has different breaking points. If your partner hasn’t violated yours, that’s between the two of you.
The moral of the story is that you partner should be your friend! Talk to each other! You should not be letting outsiders interfere with a good thing. You won’t need outsiders to validate whether or not it’s a good thing either.