I remember my first experience with online dating. It was back in the days on MySpace. It was a time when everyone thought if you dated someone online then they were crazy. I even thought it was crazy at the time. A guy sent me a message and we started conversing.
To my surprise he was a lot nicer than the guys that I was coming in contact with in person. This is when I realized that the internet opens you up to greater possibility. You can meet people outside of your general neighborhood or workplace.
I have online dated on and off for years. As I got older I was less and less interested in going to bars and clubs. Now I am at that age where my metabolism is slowing down. Drinking liquor and greasy food late at night in a large group just isn’t fun to me anymore. I work all week. When I get off I do not feel like being in a loud crowded environment.
A friend of mine told me recently that she also prefers to meet people online. She has found that it is safer. She likes to be able to have a conversation with someone before deciding whether or not she wants to see them in person. She said that it saves her energy and time.
Sure there are other ways to meet people, but what other way will you know that the majority of the people are single and looking. You can pay to get into a club or bar and hope that someone there is single or that someone there is looking for a partner, but there is no guarantee. You could meet someone at the gym or at the store, but I have noticed that as technology advances people are becoming more distant. It seems as though someone is more likely to pop into your DM than to stop and chat with you.
First I want to say that if you don’t have an open mind online dating isn’t for you. Get the idea that these people online are murders and rapists out of your head. There will be people who are online to hook up, who are married, who are scammers and even predatory.
However, in real life you can meet these same types of people. I had a friend who met a guy at the store. They had a lovely date. Second date he pulled a gun on her and assaulted her. She felt safe because they had met before. The truth is whenever we are dating we must be cautious, but we take some risks whether online or in person.
Do we really know anyone until we know them?
Be cautious of everyone you meet. Online dating kind of gives you that ability to do a background check on a person first to make sure it’s safe. You can look on their social media and see what they post and how other people react to them. Are they close with family? Do they have a significant other that they are not mentioning? All of these things are important to find out. Look and see if any news reports were written about them. I have found some interesting things in the past.
When making your online dating profile try to shy away from talking heavily about your professional and educational accomplishments. Professional and educational accomplishments are great, but if you brag about your money don’t be surprised if a person wants to use you for money! I think often times people lean on their professional accomplishments when they have insecurities about their personality.
I met a guy online once and when he got on the phone he literally read me his resume. I wasn’t looking to hire him. I was looking to date him! As I’m sure you know that didn’t work out.
Talk about who you are as a person. Talk about what you like and don’t like. What makes you laugh? Give enough about yourself that when someone messages you they have something other to say to you than “hey.”
Someone told me that online dating is hard because all girls want to talk about is what they like on pizza and their favorite color. That is nothing to get a conversation started with. When you make your profile ask yourself “Can this person can get a true sense of who I am?”
You may think good looks are enough, but no. If you are looking for a long term dating situation looks are not enough. There are hundreds of people who look just as good as you. Make sure you showcase your personality just as much as you showcase your appearance.
Some say all dating sites are created equal and I disagree. A dear friend of mine met her boyfriend on an app called Whisper. Whisper is an app where people anonymously go to talk about things. It is not a dating app. She had a conversation with a person who she did not see. After a while of conversing she asked him for a photo and they have been together ever since and are now engaged.
My favorite site is Hinge. Their slogan is “Designed to be deleted.” I believe that it is indeed designed to be deleted. Hinge allows you to pick different prompts to answer which gives you a unique look into things that interest a person. On Hinge you cannot swipe right or left to connect. You have to comment on something someone says on their profile in order to start a conversation.
The key here is to pick interesting prompts to answer. Another friend of mine met someone on Hinge and she said that initially he was not her type, but he made her laugh and she loved the way he answered his prompts. She gave him a chance and when on a date with him and had a great time.
I was on Hinge and I loved the way my boyfriend answered the prompt that he chose on his profile. It allowed for us to have a real conversation about things we have in common.
It was harder for me to really connect with someone on sites that make you swipe right and swipe left to connect. Knowing you are a doctor in Miami who likes books isn’t enough. Tinder conversations would start dry, or not start at all! People would be waiting on me to entertain them and that’s not what I was on there to do.
I say meet in a public place and meet ASAP. Meet in public because you want to make sure no one harms you, and meet as soon as you can because chemistry can be different in real life.
Sometimes meeting in person soon is not an option. If it isn’t an option make sure you video message the person. Talk with them frequently.
The moral of the story is that just because we have been in the house all 2020, it doesn’t mean that dating is over. As the world is changing, so is the way that we date.