I will start by saying that I value friendship. My close friends are like family to me. I am not the girl who says “I don’t have any female friends” or “I don’t get along with women.” I do not feel that my gender is inferior. Women are more than capable of getting along with one another. I do not believe that being friends with women is any more difficult than being friends with men.
Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, while I value friendship it can be exhausting. Being a friend to someone comes with a level of forgiving and turning the other cheek that can be a lot to handle at times. It is good to forgive, but it easier to just get people out of your life. If I’m honest, I’m not always in the forgiving mood.
I’m tired of trying to figure out if someone was just telling a joke or taking a jab at me.
The more friends you have the more forgiving you have to be by nature. Everyone will do something or say something, and you are going to have to look the other way on some things which is ok. The reality is that every “I’m just joking” has a little bit of truth in it. As I am growing older I am seeing my peers (both men and women) finding the need to validate their lives and justify their actions by measuring it against what other people have going on. I’m tired of trying to decipher if a joke harmless or not.
I don’t take it personally. People who don’t realize their intrinsic value, who are feeling low, and are not fulfilled will say negative things about you to make themselves feel better. For a long time I couldn’t tell the difference between a friend and a frienemy. I had friends who were helpful and always there, but they would be the same people with negative things to say about me or would sabotage me.
I have a friend who I do not tell about my personal life. I do this because this person will call me and ask me if I think our other friends are happy or miserable. This person is asking me thing because if I say that I think our other friends are unhappy, then this means that they aren’t the only one who is living in misery. They just want someone to make them feel good about their own misery. They want to gage whether or not the unhappiness they feel is normal or not.
Unfulfilled people have a pattern of needing to find the flaws in other people’s seemingly happy lives to make their own unhappiness ok. I always see people say that the grass isn’t always greener, people aren’t always happy, or that everyone’s happiness must be a lie. The truth is that some people are happy, and some other people can’t believe that people are as happy as they appear to be because they themselves aren’t as happy as they appear to be. What genuinely happy person tries to interpret pictures and expressions to figure out if someone is telling the truth about being happy or not.
I don’t have time for it. I am not going to give myself and my happiness over to be picked apart by an unhappy person looking to measure their life next to mine. I am in a place in my life where I only want to be around people who want good for everyone. I’m not competitive. I don’t even care about sports because I don’t care who wins! People will put you in a psychological arena to compete with them because they need to feel like a winner!
This brings me to my next point that people who don’t like you will still keep you close. These people will not let you fall out with them. If you fall out with them then they would have no one to use as a measure for their own lives, and they would have no way of knowing how miserable you are.
I have either eliminated these people from my life or deal with them with a long handled spoon. Many of them are still my friends because I know they aren’t doing it on purpose. I know that although they have unhappiness and they have a competitive nature, they do not mean to pour their unhappiness onto others. The intent isn’t malicious, but why do I have to carry the weight of or bear the brunt of them trying to navigate and justify their unhappy existences?
I don’t. I have a saying that my friends know well. “Don’t ask me sh*t.”