I have been gone from writing for a while because I’m expecting a baby boy! His father and I are very excited! When I found out that I was pregnant I had so many emotions that I didn’t feel like writing anything for a long time.
It was a happy time for me, but I soon realized that the people around me wouldn’t take it so well and/or started doing the rudest things.
March is Women’s History month, and today is actually Women’s Day! In light of that I would like to share with you…
Things Not To Say To A Pregnant Woman
- “He’s going to be so big”
I don’t know if this is a “me” thing or a pregnant woman thing, but I don’t need you guessing the size of my child. Yes, I’m tall. Yes, his father is tall. However, my son being tall does not mean that he is coming out of my womb weighing 20 pounds. I have to birth him you know. No one needs to hear their having a gigantic baby (even if they are.)
- ”When I was pregnant I had a terrible/great pregnancy”
Listen, I’m having a fantastic pregnancy thus far. All praise due to The Most High. I don’t tell people unless they ask. Don’t ask me how it’s going and then try to scare me with your own awful experience. I don’t care that you almost died. I ain’t scared, ok? Got it, sis? We are good over here.
The same thing applies in reverse. If someone is sick they really don’t give two cents about how lovely your pregnancy was. What a weird flex to try and make someone feel bad for being sick. They are literally growing an entire human. I think I speak for pregnant women everywhere when I say if you can’t say anything positive then just don’t talk to pregnant people.
- “Were you trying”
In my case the answer is no, and also none of your damn business.
- “Are the two of you excited?”
As I said previously, we are excited. HOWEVER, what if we were taking it horribly? If that were the case now you’re asking me and upsetting me. Ask yourself what’s going on with your spouse (yeah I said it.)
My partner lives in another country. When I tell you EVERY SINGLE DAY of my life I get asked when he’s coming, what he’s doing, and how he’s feeling, I’m not exaggerating. I am pregnant by someone who lives in a different country during a global pandemic. Pray for us, thank God we are good, and don’t ask anything more. How can I know when he’s coming if I have no idea when the travel ban is lifting?
- “Have you picked out a name yet?”
Now listen, I know this is a “me” thing for a fact, but I know other pregnant women who have told me that don’t like to be asked this either. Before I was pregnant I would think this would be an acceptable question, but the thing is once you actually get pregnant you realize that it is such an invasive time and you have to share so much with so many people, that it’s nice to keep something for yourself and your partner.
Everyone wants to feel special and included (which is understandable,) but that doesn’t mean that you get to know everything first. The first people to know anything will be my partner, his family, and my mother. After that it doesn’t matter who knows what in what order. In our case we have decided to reveal the name at birth.
- “Is the baby here yet?”
Listen, text/call my phone on July 1 and ask if the baby is here or not if you want to. You will not be answered. We will absolutely let you know when the baby is born and we are ready to share. Again, this is simply just something that we want to share with each other first.
- “You probably feel that way because of your hormones.”
That’s not a question, but it is a thing that shouldn’t be said. If you are acting like an ass, and someone calls you on it, don’t try to invalidate a person’s feelings by saying it’s because they are pregnant. Take accountability.
What I’ve noticed happens is that when you are pregnant and you create boundaries people see this as a threat and they try and see if they can push them and disrespect them. When you weren’t pregnant you may have let it slide, but now knowing that you have more important things going on you are not here to play games with needy and selfish people.
I told a family member why I felt wronged by them and they responded by insinuating that I was upset because I was pregnant. The reality is I’m ok, and I finally decided to tell them that I felt disrespected.
The moral of the story is anything you say to a pregnant person outside of congratulations may be too much depending on who it is and how close you are to that person.